Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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