i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
