I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Randomize
