I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
