I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
