he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
