Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
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