ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
