the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
