So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
