last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
