I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
