If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Randomize
