I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
