You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
