Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I would fuck him just for his dog
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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