i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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