Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
