this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
