Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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