If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
