At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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