Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
