Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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