I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She's the barista slut.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
