matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
