OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
