Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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