I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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