Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Drake has all the answers
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
