so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
