I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Why can't burritos get me drunk
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
