Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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