Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
