Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
