So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
