just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
