bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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