i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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