Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
