would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
