bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
