I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
why is half of my head shaved?
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