You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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