So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
only you would photoshop your dick
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
