he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
