She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
