The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Alive.
So much puke
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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