i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
