Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Let's get the cat blown out
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
