You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
