I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
