We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
