my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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