dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
