They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
