Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
