Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
