I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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